The Golden Globes 2016 Winners

‘I’m going to do this monologue and then go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me.’ Fourth time host of The Golden Globes Ricky Gervais wants to get on with it. Officially, it’s the ‘73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards’, or in semi-official terms: The 73rd Celebrity Banquet Appetizer For The Academy Awards’. In a previous post, we predicted the winners in all television categories. Let’s see how we did.

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Predictions
It started out promising, because the first award, for ‘Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited-Series or TV Movie’, went to Maura Tierney (The Affair). Just like we thought it would. Unfortunately, none of our other predictions came true. We would’ve liked to see either Gina Rodriguez or Lily Tomlin take one of those sparkly yellow balls home, but it was Rachel Bloom who won ‘Best Actress in a Comedy’, for her role in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. She couldn’t believe it either. Bloom ran onto the stage, screaming, no – Iet me rephrase that – SCREAMING ‘O my god, o my god’, before dumping a merciless waterfall of words upon the audience. 30 seconds never felt that long, but eventually she was cut off by the music. Bloom was one of the few winners who actually let that happen. The night seemed to be overtaken by actors and directors who took as much time as they wanted to thank everybody.

Teddybear
They were all a bit rebellious this year. I wonder what was in their food this evening – did they get any food at all? The first presenters left their dignity on the bottom of their champagne glasses, that’s for sure. To be fair, Channing Tatum held it together, but Jonah Hill made a complete fool out of himself. He’d pulled a teddybear over his face, pretending to be Leonardo DiCaprio’s co-star in The Revenant. He was cursing so much, it was impossible to follow what he was talking about. That guy’s totally lost it, was my first thought. There were more moments of obscenities that got bleeped out (Amy Schumer, Jaimie Alexander, Ricky Gervais), but because it’s live (with a short delay), they bleep out way too much. To be on the safe side, they just turn off the sound of the sentence with the word, half a sentence before and half a sentence after. Remind me, for next year, to take a course in lip reading.

Fargo
Apparently, the Hollywood Foreign Press loves classical music. So I didn’t see the two wins for Mozart in the Jungle coming. It beat Transparent in ‘Best Comedy Series’ and Gael García Bernal surpassed Aziz Ansari, Rob Lowe, Patrick Stewart and Jeffrey Tambor for ‘Best Actor in a Comedy’. They also have a special relationship with the BBC, so it’s not really a surprise that Wolf Hall won ‘Best TV Movie or Limited-Series’, but it’s totally bullocks. If there was one show this year that deserved as many awards as it was nominated for, it’s Fargo. The second season was absolutely brilliant, but not only did it get screwed by Wolf Hall, Kirsten Dunst unrightfully got snubbed in the ‘Best Actress in a Limited-Series or TV Movie’ category. Her portrayal of Peggy Blumquist was iconic. Somehow, Lady f*cking Gaga was considered a better actress. Ridiculous. Also Patrick Wilson dressed up for no reason, since Oscar Isaac won ‘Best Actor in a Series, Limited-Series or TV Movie’, for Show Me a Hero. I can live with that, though.

Robot Beat Dragon
We didn’t think much of the ‘Best Supporting Actor in a Limited-Series or TV Movie’ category, but hey, someone had to win. Christian Slater did, for being Mr. Robot. Now, as enjoyable as his character was – actually, the only enjoyable character on that show -, was it really award worthy? I’ve always thought of the USA show about a schizophrenic hacker to be more of an experiment. An exploration of how to create a dark show that’s too serious for its own good. But apparently, critics loved it, because this quasi-artistic, quasi-dramatic, Fight Club-ish hacker series was deemed better than Game of Thrones. This is the world we’re living in now, where people who’re supposed to have professional opinions about television drama, ignore the two best dramas of the year. Noah Hawley (Fargo) and D.B. Weiss & David Benioff (Thrones) have made the greatest hours of television in a number of years. Really, the Hollywood Foreign Press should be ashamed of themselves.

Rocky
The awards for ‘Best Actor’ and ‘Best Actress’ in a drama, go to Jon Hamm (Mad Men) and Taraji P. Henson (Empire). I expected a little more love for Narcos, but I guess it was the last chance to honor Don Draper. The most powerful moment of the night came when Sylvester Stallone won for his role in Creed. The whole audience got up on their feet to applaud. He got praise from the industry 4 decades ago, when Rocky came out, but was never looked at after. He was ‘just’ one of those action movie stars. Finally, he gets recognition for being a great actor as well, in 2016.

Other Highlights
Denzel Washington receives a sort of Lifetime Achievement Award, called the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Quentin Tarantino accepts the award for ‘Best Score’ on behalf of Ennio Morricone, for his work on The Hateful Eight. Leonardo DiCaprio has the best speech. Jim Carrey has one of the funniest presenting speeches – which wasn’t so hard; I suggest that Ricky’s going to help write them for the actors next time, because that could be done a lot better. I do have a feeling Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence might be the ones to host the show next year. Just a feeling. The movie Steve Jobs, that completely bombed a few months ago, won two awards: Kate Winslet for best supporting role, and Aaron Sorkin for best screenplay. We might have to wait for the Oscars, but I can imagine the movie’s going to get a re-release.

Out of Time
Since Taraji P. Henson and Ridley Scott took way more time to thank everybody they know in show business, The Golden Globes 2016 almost ran out of time. The Revenant won ‘Best Motion Picture – Drama’, but director Alejandro G. Iñárritu had to cut it short, and we didn’t even see Ricky again. He squeezed in his last joke, while the camera was moving away from the stage. The end. We’re left with one question, though: What did Ricky say to Mel Gibson?

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